Good morning Richard,
Last night I had a marvellous dream that really seems to deal with this issue of “letting go of the cold” and I am so grateful to be finally understanding this aspect of myself in greater detail as I am sure that “warming” up this side of myself will serve to increase my capacity to love and be loved.
I am fowarding you my dream from last night – but today as I was reading the dream interpretations from the last week and doing some journalling around the themes here, I came across a dream series that I had one night and then forgot to send it (it was dreamed the night before my angry dream of my daughter.)
Thank you so very much.
“Warmly” – Rachel 🙂
LETTING GO OF THE FARM HOUSE
I’m in the old farm house packing up the contents of the rooms into boxes. In every room there is clutter, mess and filth. I am there alone. There are so many bad memories coming back. Memories about how I tried to help my parents and my family. In my old bedroom, it is small and cramped. I don’t have enough boxes for the stuff. In the kitchen, someone has packed it up and I am amazed at how much space is there once all the clutter is gone. I look and say, “it’s too bad it was always so cluttered because it could have been a really great home.” There’s a lot of space here. And I envision what it would have looked like with brand new furniture and how we all could have enjoyed the room.
There’s some things to bring over to a Baha’i friend’s house. (www.bahai.org) So I put them in my pocket and go over. We are in her room playing and having fun, then we go downstairs to eat. Her parents are there, the atmosphere is jovial. Her mom is laughing, saying, “Hey Rache! Look at this” and then make a funny face or joke about something…stuff like that. I see on the doors to all the rooms my friend has put a little note with a photo and a saying a quote about love on them. She says, “I’m just trying to get them all to love a little more.” And I think to myself that she is lucky there was even potential in this home for love and acceptance. In my home, I would have been too afraid to even do something like that. I would have felt afraid to reach out like that and wouldn’t have been accepted.
So I put these two little plastic containers on the counter that I had brought for them. I had been excited about delivering them, but now I look at them and can’t remember why they were significant. One has some salad dressing in it, the other has some sauce. I feel really foolish. The mom is looking at me with that strange look like I am mentally unstable and have done something inappropriate. I know my friend accepts me but she doesn’t get it either. I feel absolutely devastated and all my strength is gone. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself and where I come from.
I say it doesn’t matter but it’s time to go now. I head to the door to put my stuff on.
I remember that I had left something back at the farm house and want to go get it and bring it back.
My daughter is with me now at the front door. She is dressed similar to me and is joyful and happy and I am so grateful to see her. I feel accepted and loved and good. I wrap her scarf around her and mine around me. I am telling them all good bye, I’m leaving to move far away, going to go be a teacher. And the more I think about it, I just want to go, I don’t want to go get the stuff and come back. So I am saying good bye in a “forever” kind of a way and And the mom says, “What about the house?” And I say, rather definitlely “I have to let go of that old farm house,” and I wake up.
I am sitting at a long table with many people. Most appear to be Native. A baby is in the arms of her father a few feet away from me. I can tell the baby is not healthy but I know I am not allowed to say anything to help – it is not socially acceptable. The baby is crying and appears to have legos stuck on its eyes. The father is holding her and trying to give her Tylenol but the baby chokes and is not swallowing well. She is crying and I say to someone beside me that the baby doesn’t need Tylenol; she is crying to try to tell us what is wrong. The baby looks like a co-worker of mine whose last name is “Swallow.” The mother is just watching passively and not doing anything.
I am sitting on a blanket in a yard amongst others who are also in various activities, sort of a park environment. I am talking to a Native woman who is about my age. I am talking to her about some parenting program or something like that. Then she looks at me and says, “I can’t believe we just met now.” I just look at her confused. She repeats herself and so I look at her more intently to see if I knew her. She has long dark hair, a round face with shining eyes. I say, “I think we have known each other our whole lives.” I then change my attitude towards her and see that she is not someone for me to teach but someone who is my equal, my friend and who I will learn from as well.
I have a glass container of chai seeds (a new food i’ve introduced to my diet in waking life). I put in a lot of water and then some peanut butter and I cover them up with the intention that they will sprout over night and I look forward to eating them tomorrow.
The key to letting go for you is seeing what happened to you in your life as an advantage rather than a disadvantage. First of all God gave you a experiences with cold relationships that were full of clutter. In those experiences you somehow learned to how to visualize the opposite, that is, how to have an organized environment that respects and gives everyone space. The Baha’i home taught you how to have relationships based upon love and warmth and mutual regard for each other.
What keeps you from living fully in the new processes are the strong memories of the clutter and then coldness in your own home. Your mind/emotions will let go of the reality of your past when it believes that the higher spiritual qualities are strongly implanted in your memory.
To do this you can hold both pictures in your mind simultaneously and then just let go of the old negative one. To do this draw both images or paint them or just write them and then gradually spend more time with the positive images.
Thank you Richard – I truly hope this is not too much for you. I am so grateful for this service you provide. Your last interpretation was profoundly true and implementing the guidance from my dreams this past week will change my life. I am so grateful. Many many thanks. Warm regards, Rachel
I am anxious to hear about the results.