Anger in Dreams: How To Process Negative Emotions in a Positive Way

In the dream someone knocks on the door and Gracie lets a man into the house who is selling something.

Before I’m at the door he is already in the hallway and she is standing there bewildered. I usher him with a strong tone to get out and he does and then I speak firmly to Gracie that she isn’t to open doors when I’m not there, etc.

I told her the man could have had a gun or anything and we can’t trust strangers. I told her to let me open the door always. Then I stood my ground with this sales guy and told him what he did was wrong. He shouldn’t have come into a house without an adult letting him in.

After he left Gracie was upset and ran into the living room. I told her I was sorry but she became angry with me as though I was the problem. I told her I was keeping her safe and she said she hated me.

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The biggest challenge in this dream is about boundaries. A house is a symbol of self in a dream. Gracie can be a symbol of me when I was her age or it can be about the real Gracie in day-t0-day life. The dream reminds me that when I was young I was not taught healthy boundaries and now in trying to teach Gracie it is a challenge.

The big emotion which comes up is anger so this is about me finding a positive way to release anger in real life which leads to growth. When I get this it will be like living in a well-protected home which strangers cannot come into.

 

Creating a New Self

Experiencing a traumatic event is a signal for positive change.

The key though, which Cognitive Behaviour therapy just doesn’t go deep enough into, is about developing new capacity. New qualities after the trauma come from a person’s innate gifts or abilities. How we cope and recover from such events actually reveals our unique strength.

This e-book explores this concept in much greater depth. Check it out.

Finding The Self For The First Time

“Recovering from trauma involves a process that leads to The Finding of the Self, probably for the first time.”

How To Find Yourself after a Traumatic Event

An entire community of 88,000 people fled Fort McMurray on the week of May 03, 2016. (This is the official number of residents from Stats Canada, but when I lived in Fort McMurray I did some work to collect data for Stats Canada and the real numbers were closer to 200,000. Most people didn’t report living there either because they viewed is as temporary, or they were living in a home with 10 or 15 others and didn’t want to report this, or other reasons.)

Being forced to evacuate your home and driving through a fire to safety is bad enough but then also having your entire community do the same would, without a doubt, cause a significant trauma response to the body & mind of the individuals going through the shock.

Interestingly, in Spring of 2016 my plans had been to drive to Fort McMurray and arrive in the first week of May to meet a friend and help them move back to Ontario. Later, I changed my mind so I did not go. But if I had have followed through with this plan I would have been in that city at the exact time of the fires.

I am so grateful that a different path opened up for me.

But for those who were there, I always think of what it takes to rebuild a life after such a devastating event.

The most important concept I like to share, which is extremely different than everything else out there, is that rather than focusing on removing the negatives it is more valuable to focus on adding positives.

So the key to growth after trauma is to focus on adding positives…not on noticing the negatives and removing them.

People can just look around and see what they are already doing well, as individuals, or as a family or in the community and just repeat what is working well often.

This is how new skills are developed, new capacities, new growth.

In time, the positives really do begin to out-do the negatives and eventually the trauma of the event disappears and all that is left is a memory of it – but the memory of it does not cause emotional distress anymore.

That is the goal.

I’m learning to write and speak about this idea.

I hope it helps others as it has helped me.

 

 

Daily Dream Journal: A Car In A Desert

In the dream, I am in a desert, warm & dry. I find my sister’s car there and approach it to retrieve it for her. Inside, sitting in the front seat, is a middle-aged woman smoking and she tells me she was just keeping an eye on the car but I think she was really going to steal it. I notice parts of the dashboard and other things have been stolen and it doesn’t look like it will run anymore. But she tells me it will and crosses the wires to get it going. We drive it a distance to head back into the city.

At some point, I am sitting beside a “known” mobster named Jimmy. He doesn’t think I know who he is and he’s just flirting with me a bit. I flirt back for fun but then say a comment which I read in the news about him “There’s always time for Jimmy” and then he knows that I know who he is. And he is surprised that I associate with him even though I know his criminal past.

In another scene some other guy is driving a car and I’m in the passenger seat. He tries to touch my knee to flirt and I push it away. “Keep your eyes on the road,” I demand.

Cars in dreams are about getting to where the dreamer is going.

Our True Self is always striving for excellence, for improvement, for growth.

This dream shows two cultural barriers to growth for women.

It’s like they have two easy choices.

On the one hand, they can be the driver of their car but there is manipulation & theft involved.

On the other hand, they can let men drive their car but there is criminal activity and corruption involved.

To find a middle way through this maze for women is not as easy as we think it is or would like it to be.

You may wildly disagree with me and say women have come a long way and have some aspect of equality. I say we are not even a little bit close. Not even a little bit.

But that is where we are headed, towards increased environments with Equality. Justice and Progress will be achieved. I’m sure of it.

Martial Arts Dreams: Metaphors For Using Strength

I’ve resisted writing about Martial Arts dreams for about a year mostly because I was just thinking about it a lot and didn’t know what to write.

But recently I’ve had a re-occuring scenario show up and so I’d like to write about it.

  1. First I dreamed of being in “fighting stance” and feeling like a threat was coming but not being able to see where from. I was circling around looking to see who it was who wanted to fight with me. I actually had adrenaline going as if I was in a fight but there was no one to spar with.
  2. Next I dreamed that I was in a workout room at a gym with my Taekwondo Master. He was standing with me by the treadmill and would move with me from machine to machine. He was talking, saying things, coaching. Soon I realized that because of how he coaches me while I’m in training that when I am in a match and he tells me what to do I will be able to do it very quickly. I could see I would be very good in a match & he was training me well.
  3. Then I dreamed I was standing beside a rave, the music was going, people were coming and going and someone had done something unjust to me. It took me a while to find out who was behind it ┬ábut when I did I found him sitting on a chair. He was a very large man, about 400 lbs, and hardly could move his body but his mouth rattled off. I asked him to stop and he wouldn’t. I asked him again and he didn’t. Then I got into fighting stance and I said stop. He wouldn’t.

So I moved closer to him and said it again. He wouldn’t. So I did a round-house kick at his head lightly on the side. His head tilted a bit and he was stunned. “Stop it,” I told him.

He wouldn’t.

So I started punching his face like a boxer. 10 or 15 times.

And he stopped.

At one point, I checked Facebook and saw that someone who wanted to learn from me was implementing something I had taught them. It brought me Joy.

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Analysis:

Because the person in the dream is not someone I know in real life, it means it is about culture. The man was very over-weight, and had a few buddies with him & owned the auditorium or the rave somehow or a criminal organization within the rave. So this is about the culture of white-male privilege.

Doing Taekwondo in a dream is a metaphor for being able to defend myself against others’ attacks.

So I can think today of how to defend myself and how to be sure that I am not taken advantage of.

There are areas in my life in which people are trying to take advantage and harm me, consciously or unconsciously.

So I guess it’s time to put my dukes out and let them have it, metaphorically speaking.

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Update: This dream is about having finished the old fight I was in. It’s done now. Because of the Joy at the end of the dream I can now look to that as a starting place. I can put a lot of energy and attention into opportunities & environments for creating Joy-filled & Loving relationships.