Relationships: Dissolving Old Negative Patterns & Creating New Positive Ones

In a conversation with someone recently I realized that:

  1. Sometimes a woman wants to work on a project and her colleague can only think of having sex with her. She has an agenda and so does he but they are worlds apart.
  2. Sometimes attraction, desire for sex & feeling of love are more about someone desiring to have or connect with a quality or characteristic of the other individual. In other words, an emotional connection is desired but it is confused with a physical desire.
  3. Sometimes men use sweetness, in words & action, to try to get their way with an attractive woman. Sometimes they use criticism, sophisticated manipulation techniques to scare a woman into being with them.
  4. Sometimes women have no options available to them when a man is trying to get with them because of limitations of time, resources and trusting-relationships.
  5. Sometimes when a woman is being abused and goes for help she is told that she is the problem and so the abuse continues.
  6. A man’s efforts to get his way with a woman can rob her of her sense of self and her personal stability.
  7. Sometimes even the most kind-hearted man can be manipulated by other not-so-kind men and end up treating women in a way he wouldn’t normally do, if not for the promptings of his off-kilter companions.
  8. Sometimes a woman is being abused by more than one person at once, leaving her without a place to turn to for real help.
  9. Sometimes a negative pattern which starts in childhood can last long into adulthood until it is consciously changed with daily effort.
  10. Sometimes one significant and traumatic event can effect decision-making and character for the rest of someone’s life.
  11. Sometimes there’s a lot more to be said than what can be contained in 12 bullet-points.
  12. But an article has to end at one point or another. That’s just the way it is. 🙂

Changework & Relationships: Dispelling 5 Myths

Relationship Myth # 1 – If you are in a relationship other men will leave you alone. 

This seems not to be the case. In my experience in the past two years, when I told men I was in a relationship with someone I really cared about, this seemed to attract the attention of my male friends/colleagues and make them even more interested in me.

Relationship Myth #2 – Sex has nothing to do with advancing in a career for women.

I thought just because I could separate my work relationships from my personal/intimate relationships that I would be able to advance in my profession. While this is true in principle, in reality, because it’s a pattern that’s been in our culture for so long it still permeates work environments/relationships and taints the effectiveness of women’s ability to perform her career skills at her best because of the way men act, consciously or unconsciously.

Relationship Myth #3 – If a woman just says ‘No’ the man will accept that and move on.

As it turns out, even when a man is given no signs of physical attraction, and even when a woman tells him outright that she is not interested, this doesn’t stop him from trying. How exhausting for women to have to navigate this at the same time as put real effort into applying professional skills to a career.

Relationship Myth # 4 – A woman’s perspective is just as valuable as a man’s.

This doesn’t appear to be the case either. It seems that if there are two ways to look at a situation, event, relationship, that the man’s opinion is taken as fact and the woman’s is easily discounted as “convoluted.” What is it that makes the man’s version of the story an accepted “norm” while the woman’s side is taken as nonsensical.

Relationship Myth # 5 – When a woman acts out to defend herself she’s judged as over-emotional, while if a man does the same it’s rewarded and applauded.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully realize I’m making broad generalizations but I do feel they are relevant. When woman and men do the exact same behavior, a woman is judged and a man is applauded by other men. Since the professional realms are still dominated by men for the most part, this means women consistently are negated and denied opportunity for advanccement.

Dream: Explosion, Water, a text

The best part of this dream is that even though there was an explosion in the distance with a plane hitting a building and the force of the explosion caused tsunami-type waves the outcome was really positive. We were a safe distance away and we were able to stay afloat on the water and not get pulled under.

In another part of the dream, someone wrote a text saying they thought they were bland and I was telling them, No, I don’t find them bland at all.

There was one other part of the dream where I was in a school. It was like I was checking it out to see if I could stay and work there and bring Gracie. I noticed that it was a school in a lower-income area and the kids were dressed poorly and eating unhealthily. I felt I’d love to work here to help the children. But then I saw that the students were really cruel to one another and they hurt each other and I didn’t want my daughter to be hurt by their negative behaviour. Then that evening there was a presentation in the auditorium and I realized there were a lot of Baha’is who were supporting this school and I thought it would be okay to join it.

During the day, I found my Y.E. was in the secretary’s office banging a drum and singing really loudly. It was disturbing everyone and disrupting their work but he didn’t care he just had to keep banging his drum & hollering. I left the area and thought how disturbed he must be. He just likes to hear the sound of his own voice.

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I have seen all this before.

When it showed up before I was ill-equipped to deal with it because the negative figure in my life was so much better at being negative than I was at being good – but now I have skills, capacities, experience and confidence which allows me to experience things which are mildly or extremely negative and still move forward without issue.

 

 

 

Dream: Hunting Killers in the Forest

I dreamed I was going into a forest to hunt someone who was dangerous so we could stop him/them.

I was with another female blackbelt and we found one of the men. When he was stabbed his wounds healed instantly. I watched them seal up and thought this was going to be tougher than I thought.

It’s hard to describe the other details. It was just really dark, cold, damp but yet we knew where we were going and how to get there. It was dangerous but not more than we could handle.

Staying Away from People without a Conscience

10 February 2017

A while back I dreamed about receiving a precious gift but also of winding up in bed with someone I didn’t want to be in bed with. Here is a link to the dream. (This dream is password protected because it deals with sex & sexuality.) Please message me if you would like the password to view this dream series.

The reason why it is important for me to write about these kinds of dreams when they show up is because when I was at the beginning stages of my healing I realized that men could do this certain thing to me to make me lose myself and I wouldn’t realize what was happening until I was in bed with them and it was too late to get out and away.

When I say “lose myself” what I mean is lose my values, lose my principles, lose my sense of personal boundaries, lose my own wishes, lose sense of my own being. These men figured out ways to manipulate me using fear-based tactics. So sometimes horrible memories of this shows up in my dreams.

In the past I used to freak out because they were like horrible nightmares but now I don’t freak out anymore.

The dream I had recently about this topic reminded me of how important it is to write about it and I will write more soon.