Hwy, Boarder Patrol & Tattoo: One Thing Does Not Have To Lead To Another, and other dreamwork tidbits

11 May 2017

A highway is a good metaphor for getting somewhere. To dream of a barrier or block in the highway is a pretty good symbol for the things which we do to ourselves which stand in the way to our progress and growth.

Last night in my dream about driving on a highway when I saw the block I didn’t want to get deterred by it so I kept going but as I got closer I realized there were armed police men and military at a border-crossing. They got me out of the car and started asking questions. I was so confused by what they were doing and what they wanted that I couldn’t answer a simple question like, “When were you married?”

After fumbling around for answers they decided to tattoo me with a symbol that marked me as being unable to travel into the USA. I tried to resist saying my daughter is part American but they said they didn’t care.

And then closed the file on me, and pinned me down and gave me a needle & a tattoo. Then they let me drive away.

I could feel the pain on my arm but didn’t want to look down and see what they had done.

It was upsetting.

In real life, my car seat belt stopped working last night and when I brought it in today to have it repaired the Ford Service Man showed me damage on the front end of my car. I was shocked!

I’m always so careful about where I park but clearly someone had backed out beside me and knicked the car. There’s no dent but good scrapes and it will be in need of repair.

The feeling I have today, now that I have a rental truck and my car in the shop and the need to go to the Police Reporting Center and file Insurnance blah-ti-blah-blah is the same as if I was stopped by police on a highway.

I want to move forward and this big obstacle came in my way.

But I’m taking positive action so that things can be straightened out as soon as possible. That’s all I can do.

Dealing With a Person in your Family Who is Full of Ego

20 July 2017

A mother, a sister, a daughter or a spouse – anyone around you could potentially be so full up of ego that they create a mess everywhere they go. A simple way to think about ego in this context is to think of humans as having a lower nature/ego and a higher nature/true self. The purpose of the ego is to protect its self and there is a place for this when it is in harmony with the true self. The most meaning in life is found in arising from the challenges caused by ego within, such as fear, anger, grief and transforming those negatives into courage, justice, joy.

Sometimes a person has so much trauma in their lives, especially in childhood, that it alters their ability to find their true self anymore. Instead, they live in a state of ego and they strive to make themselves look better than everyone else. They have a thirsty hunger for the positions of power in a family or corporation and will stop at nothing to achieve their aim. Someone in the family who is full of ego doesn’t mind who they hurt as they take repeated action to get into conflict so that they can “win.” They get a high from the feeling of “winning” and it keeps them perpetually generating conflict so that they can perpetually keep getting their addictive fix from the feeling of the win.

What to do then? If you are just a normal person, not too interested in conflict, but continually being shot-down and targeted by a family member? It is more common then you think. I suspect since this issue is so wide-spread ┬áthat every single family has a “narcissist” in one form of another. And every single family has a “target.” I suspect that every family deals with this situation differently and no one rarely talks about it because everyone falsely believes that their family is different than others.

If we all spoke about it more openly we would realize the issue is societal and we could really begin to change things. But for now, people think it’s their own private family issue and so change is slow but at least there is change.

So how to deal with this family narcissist?

The first step is to realize you are dealing with a narcissist. The thing about this type of person is that they do not think or behave like average people. So you must not think about them or treat them as average. When you fully realize their inner negative nature then you can think of ways and behave in ways which protects your own sense of Peace while at the same time not letting them take over your life, which is what they will try to do if they are not stopped.

The narcissist in your family does not need to be the wealthiest, best looking, happiest individual. Sometimes this is the case, but other times, the narcissist is the one who is the poorest, the one with ailments & sickness, the one who complains about everything, the one who makes EVERYTHING about themselves. The narcissist seeks to control everyone in its environment. So whether they do that through generating pity or generating envy, they don’t care. They just want everyone thinking about them at all times.

So the first real way to deal with a narcissist is to realize you are dealing with a narcissist. When you can see that negative truth, then a whole lot of good can come from that. Truly profound transformation and change can come from this small but profound awareness.

 

Dream: Bulls, Getting High, and MORE…

05 May 2017

The hardest part of looking at a dream is noticing where the biggest challenge is. But that is exactly what has to be done in order to really listen to the message of the dream. It’s painful but it’s worth it. My dreams last night were a mix of negatives and positives and the issue was clearly a lack of Confidence on my part which led to something negative happening.

The positives in the dream were really positive. I was in Toronto with my Taekwondo family. We were hanging out in an apartment in between tournament fights. The laughter, warmth and connection was so enjoyable. I noted that I hadn’t felt that in a really long time and I appreciated it.

This means that its easy for me to connect with others and to build long-lasting and positive relationships with others.

At one point, everyone smokes some pot and the room fills with smoke and the aroma of that. The metaphor for this means that I have the ability to get into high states with others. Its good for me to be reminded of this because a negative shows up in another part which reminds me of where there’s work for me to do.

In another dream that evening I enter into a barn with the orders to bring back the heard of large black bull cows to another barn & field. I enter with confidence, gather the bulls with a confident call and take one by its halter and start walking. I understand that when I lead one in this way they will all follow.

Half way between here and there, even though the bulls are not resisting and everything is going fine, I let go of the halter. With this freedom it lifts its head really high and this alerts the other bulls to change. I try to get the halter back but when I do I realize I am holding a large black horse. So I begin to lead it and everything is fine. We even jump over a few large puddles which a long leap that is quite freeing.

But then on the third puddle there is no synchronicity between the horse and myself and the horse stumbles on landing and its clear when he tries to get up that his limb is wounded. A vet appears immediately and I am afraid to hear the bad news that it has to be put down.

So the question I can ask myself is, “What makes me anxious when I am leading which causes me to lose confidence?”

What I realize is that the first time I was given an opportunity to lead which I didn’t feel ready for was when I was 18. It was at that age I started talking about having been sexually abused when I was a child by an adult I knew and trusted. When I went to Fort Erie’s Sexual Assault Center I received some counselling and then was quickly recruited as a volunteer. I was asked to lead a group for other teens who had been abused. I was asked to write for, edit and publish the newsletter and I was trained in answering distress calls from people who wanted to commit suicide.

I loved the work.

But soon after I published one of my first newsletters my abuser read what I wrote and told me it was not a good thing to write. So I stopped. Gradually I disengaged from that center entirely. Later, someone associated with that center who I had confided my abuse to met my abuser and they started dating and got into a relationship for a while. So that was really strange and broke my confidence in many ways.

So what the dream is reminding me to do is to not lose confidence and to instead get into the feeling of connection and connectedness which I still experience in many ways, despite having been betrayed by people I trusted in the past.

When I sit in meditation and bring the dream image to mind of being with people I know and trust and train with, then I can see where in my life today I can bring that positive feeling and I can move forward with the work I am doing today on blogging.

With this strong feeling of connectedness I find my words flow with greater ease and the vision of where I’m going is much clearer.

Letting go of the anxiety around leading a group when I feel unprepared helps me to stay Confident about the task in front of me and moving forward with ease.

 

Becoming Your New Self

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24 July 2017

I don’t want to over-complicate this even though it is a complex idea. But I want to write about how change and transformation out of the old and into the new can be really positive and empowering.

The goal of all life is to change and grow. That is evident in the world of nature when we see plants growing & reaching for the sun. We see it in animals because they have all the qualities of the plant kingdom but they also have use of the 5 senses and this allows them to interact to an even higher degree. Animals can learn skills and develop capacities with training. Humans have the ability to grow, and the ability to learn AND the ability to grasp abstract concepts which is a skill unknown to animals.

Plants & animals physically “grow” but humans grow in other ways – they grow emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. When looking at a person’s physical self there can be an appearance of no change but there may have been a complete revolution of change within them. They may think differently, speak differently & act differently. They may be an entirely different person even while they appear to look the same on the outside.

So how does this change take place?

The first experience of Self comes in childhood, is further developed in adolescence and then expanded on in adulthood.

When we as adults come to understand limitations of our upbringing, our schooling, or our culture then we can consciously choose to overcome those limitations by learning new skills, practicing our natural talents and uplifting others. In this way, we develop a new Self.

It is helpful to think of human beings as having two natures. One is an animal nature, or lower nature which has a lot of somewhat negative emotions such as anger, fear, revenge & jealousy and the other is a Higher nature which is where Love, Courage, Patience, Inclusion and Determination are found.

As we face the challenges and obstacles in life we can raise above the lower and develop the Higher.

With persistence and commitment, there can be so much change so that it is as though a NEW SELF has been developed which is free from the limitations of the “old self”.

This is the way we grow & develop as adults into our Higher Self. First by identifying the negatives, working through them to develop new skills, and then flipping those negatives to the positive opposite so that a whole new Self can be experienced.

 

 

Why Revenge is SO Damaging & More …

23 July 2017

Every day I see or hear people taking actions or speaking out in ways which indicates they are seeking revenge. I don’t know why they do this because revenge never works. It seems like the oldest trick in the book; You hurt me so I’ll hurt you back. No one ever gets anywhere with this mentality.

A new and better way of dealing with negativity is to have the attitude that it is best to try not to take offense. If someone says or does something inappropriate and you can not take offense about it then you are one step ahead.

Instead of taking offense, see that the person has an issue in some regards. You can ask yourself, “What is it that lead them to say or act in this way? … What is their fear or issue?” If you know them at all you may be able to guess why they behaved in that way and then instead of seeking revenge you can seek to help.

In this way, positive relationships can really grow and a new self can really expand into brand new areas.

Why don’t you give it a try today. See how it goes and leave a comment here sharing your experience.