Sex in Dreams is Metaphorical and not Literal…usually

January 31, 2017

A recent dream about making love to someone, becoming pregnant with his baby, birthing our son, raising and nurturing him and enjoying lots of enjoyable family time together has me thinking about when is the right time to take a dream into the literal real world.

For eight years I’ve been working on the metaphoric meaning of dreams and paid very little attention to the literal meaning. That’s because the metaphoric meaning always comes first and what I realized a long time ago is that even if you have a great dream and the metaphor is awesome, it is often really really difficult to make it come true right away anyway.

For example, if I have a dream that I am swimming in a relaxing pool at a resort, I can’t just wake up the next day and get myself to a resort and start swimming. No. It would require booking time off, getting a flight, traveling to the location and then settling into the pool. I could then say I am literally living out the dream I had months or years ago. Most things take a lot of time to go from an imaginative image to a real image.

However, what I have learned through these years in working with the metaphors is that every once in a while there is so much positive on the inside and so much positive on the outside that it is so easy to live in the metaphor AND do the action literally too.

From what I am beginning to learn, when everything in the dream is really positive and then everything in real life opens up too, then it is like the multiplication of positive qualities or characteristics.

This is why a dream about sex is metaphorical first. Because it is about working with the qualities, growing the positives, developing character traits.

In the right time at the right place between the right people, it just may be clear that the dream showed up as a positive sign that something positive could also emerge from a relationship in the real world with this person.

I’m just at the beginning stages of working with this side of things so I’ll be sure to keep you posted on progress as it becomes more clear in time.

He’s Sleeping With Someone Else: Relationship Quirks and What To Do About Them

25 October 2017

In our overly sexualized culture, where women are portrayed as nothing more than sex objects in the media and men are programmed from a very young age to consider the females in their lives as sort of sidebars to their pursuit of a career, it is no wonder so many men struggle to stay loyal to the woman they marry or move in with.

To be fair, not all men think this way. Not all men seek out to just work hard, make a lot of money, move up in their career and have a woman to come home to who has prepared a meal, cleaned the house, taken care of the needs of children, plus most likely also tended to her own work for the day, and also make herself available to meet the sexual desires of her spouse. Not all men accept the common culture programming which permeates our day-to-day existence. But many men do. Really. A lot of men do.

Is it any wonder then, in this high stressed environment with pressures from every side that men and women do not stay loyal to the person they committed themselves to? It’s like we are trained to think of ourselves as consumers in this materialistic culture of New Products. Since women are just portrayed as objects to have sex with, then why wouldn’t a man go looking to have sex with others if the one closest to him isn’t turning him on as much as before? When our car gets old and need of repair we seek out to replace it. Why not replace a woman in bed too? When a relationship gets old and when work is needed to go into emotional depth and emotional intimacy many men just don’t know how so they go out looking for a superficial fix to the problem instead of doing the inner work needed for transformation.

To be fair, this is not true of all men. And sometimes women are the ones not being loyal. But that is not what this article is about. This is addressing the prominent issue of men who are conditioned from a young age to sexualize the women in their lives and who cannot stay loyal to one woman.

So what can men and women do to solve this? What can be done?

The key to moving forward after someone is not loyal in a relationship is to remember there are more options than just “breaking up.” In other words, just because someone does something others may call cheating, does not mean things are over. It might be over. But it might not be. It depends on the situation and the depth of the relationship.

What you can do if someone you are in a close personal & physical relationship with decides to sleep with someone else is consider what is going on in the relationship which led the person to take that action?

If you know your partner well, and you know he is not malicious and he is not cruel-hearted and seeking to hurt or manipulate you with his negative action then you may be able to support him through the emotional growth ready to emerge after he slept with someone who wasn’t his partner.

Growing through this together can actually strengthen the depth of the relationship and can bring the two together more than anything else could. This negative situation can be flipped to positive by having Patience, Compassion and Determination.

So long as both parties really want the relationship. It can be repaired and can recover in time.

An approach like this requires a somewhat radical look at a relationship and on the possibilities for endless outcomes of a situation. The point is that the solution after such a break of trust does not need to be a break up entirely. Conversation and communication between two mature adults can open the doors for any number of outcomes and one of those potential outcomes is that a relationship can be sustained even after he sleeps with someone else.

The key is to go slow. To feel the negatives. To let the emotions out and process them in a healthy way. Then real growth canĀ  happen which could lead the couple to more happiness than they ever imagined.



Dream: Someone’s Dirty House & Meeting My Favourite Musician

20 October 2017

In the strongest image from last night’s dream, I am sitting on a couch with a single mom who doesn’t have enough money to keep the house in good repair for her children. At first I think it’s no big deal but the closer I look I notice just how badly things have gotten for her. Even the couch we are sitting on is broken, missing cushions and badly worn & torn. The condition she’s in brings me to tears but then she looks at me questioning what has upset me. “Nothing,” I tell her. “I’m fine.” But I’m not fine. I’m horrified by what she’s going through and that no one has helped her.

That’s all I could remember when I woke up but once I started writing I also remembered that I dreamed of Pearl Jam’s lead singer Eddie Vedder.

In the dream, he was calling me and asking me to hang out. I am saying, “Yes,” and am figuring out how to hang out with him. It seems at first he’d be bored with the things I do in my day but he says he wants to and it would be fine. We have a lengthy conversation and he’s coming over. It’s exciting.


My dream about puddles and why Envy is a big issue in North America

19 October 2017

In the dream, as I was walking down a path there were little puddles and I jumped them but didn’t clear one entirely so a foot slipped in. Oddly enough, as I was walking I was thinking about how water and puddles are about relationships and I was thinking about how I used to have an issue with jealousy. In real life, it’s not really jealousy I used to have an issue with but it was envy. Envy is the negative feeling that comes up when someone else has something that someone wants. Interestingly, it seems the North American materialistic consumer-driven culture I grew up in actually encourages this kind of negative feeling and the actions it inspires. Buy More Things! Borrow More Money! Upgrade & Expand! Funny how that way of thinking seems to even promote people being sort of “owned” by one another like a spouse acts like they own and control the other, or how a boss seems to think he owns his employees. It’s like even people and relationships are commodities to exchange, sell, and buy. It’s sick really but when you grow up in it then it’s absorbed unconsciously. The point is I was doing things in my 20s which was largely based on envy and I didn’t even realize it.

Last night’s dream brought the issue to the forefront for me though.

It seems like an important issue which should not be kept to ourselves. The more we talk openly about things which generations before us kept quite than the more change can transform things in our lives and the lives of our loved ones.

Discovering a Crime & a Cover Up & Getting Away

13 October 2017

In the dream, I’m in a large house in a newly developing subdivision with many houses still under construction. To my dismay, there are about a dozen dead bodies in bags lined up in a row in one of the rooms. My questioning to the people involved leads me to understand that someone has killed these people and then will be demolishing the house to hide what they have done.

I leave the house wondering if I should try to stop them, report them, or ignore it and leave it all behind.

As I wonder through the streets, I end up at my dentist’s place and he takes me in for an appointment even though it’s 2am. He does x-rays and tells me my teeth are doing fine and I no longer need braces. He reminds me to wear a mouth guard for when I grind my teeth at night. I’m happy the appointment goes well.

When I leave, I find my mother waiting for me and she takes me back to her place. She is so cruel with everything she says and she seems to be mocking me. Even when I show kindness she doesn’t take it to be kindness and she shows cruelty instead. This continues on for a while and then when I’ve had enough I say I’m leaving and this gets her even more annoyed. She towers over me, shouting and speaking words which hurt my heart and I push her back. I have to push her several times and finally get her to move back enough away from the door so I can leave.

When I leave I go to the road and a taxi is waiting for me. I’m in Fort Erie, the town I grew up in childhood, and I look around and see the poverty of the place. The driver is African and by his stories and condition I conclude he is more skilled than what his job is and that he is barely able to support his family on this taxi income. At one point though he turns sideways in the seat and is looking through photos on the seat and no one is driving the cab. Surprisingly it stays on course though and eventually he takes the wheel again and brings me to where I want to go.