Three Steps To Identifying Fear/ Anxiety & Flipping it to Courage/Confidence



The first thing to do is figure out whether you are feeling fear or anxiety. If it’s fear the solution is to learn something new. This builds Courage. If it’s anxiety the solution is to repeat what you already do well. This builds Confidence.

Even grief has at its foundation a component of fear or anxiety. For example, after a death there may be grief but also anxiety. I keep looking into the future, imagining someone I love not in it, and then feeling doubt that I can enjoy my life or achieve my goals without her. So then I feel like I’m being drowned in a waterfall. Metaphorically speaking.

The solution to transforming this grief then, as hard as this sounds, is to flood the environment with positivity. I’ve done that before. I did it during my very messy & public divorce. I did it during my very messy & public mess with my biological mom. I can do it again now. In fact, the things I did then which worked well I can do again & the things that didn’t go so well I can avoid and take the lessons learned and do them now.

You can too!

Ask yourself what is the biggest challenge you are facing today? Does it bring up fear or anxiety? Do you need to learn something new or repeat something you already do well. Then take a step to do that thing today. Wait until you see how miraculous your life will become when you do this regularly. It’s amazing.

Dream: my Metaphoric Sister Flirting With My Metaphoric Boyfriend

In the dream, my boyfriend and I are living together and happy. We’re at some sort of anniversary or birthday part & completely enjoying ourselves. I’m coming in from picking up something in the car and I stop at a convenience store to grab something small worth about $10. When I go to pay, the cashier says to me, “You’re So-and-so’s girl, right?” I said “Yes” and he says, “Well, he owes me $17 for this thing he bought last year” and he shows me my boyfriend’s photo and an old receipt he had hanging by the cash, with others who owed him. And he tells me I can’t buy this $10 thing from him unless/until I pay his in full as well.
I consider going up to get him from the party and bringing him here to pay. Then it occurs to me that he is up there at the party and my sister and mom are also there, as is his family and many of our mutual friends and neighbours. I become worried about he and my sister together because she always flirts with my boyfriends and I just want to pay this bill quickly and get up there so nothing bad can happen. But I hesitate to pay, even though I have the money and am okay with doing it, because I’m not sure it’s right.
Should I go get him? Should I leave all of it – my $10 thing and his? Should I try to negotiate with the guy/manager to let me have mine and say I’ll send him down? … What should I do? Every answer seems like it will have a good outcome so I can’t decide which one to do.
The dream ends like that, me standing there, with my hand on my wallet, prepared to pay his debt but not having decided if i want to or not.
crop man standing near cash machine
Photo by Tim Samuel on

My Dream About Starting a Fire in a Mall

11 February 2018

I am at a mall, with my daughter, and we are holding a powerful canon, pointing it down a long alleyway, not unlike a bowling ally. We release the canon but something has gone wrong and when it’s halfway down the alleyway it bursts into flames. I watch for a moment to see if it’s possible to put out the fire but it’s not and we turn to run away.

It’s then that I notice we are naked and before going outside we need to put clothes on. We had been changing clothes to get ready for something that was coming up when the fire started.

We quickly find a store with clothes our size and put them on. The store owners are scrambling to get out and it’s no time to be able to pay for the clothing so I make a mental note of the store name so I can return and pay for it.

We get out of the mall without being hurt as does everyone else.

There is another dream scenario too … something about my loading a trailer, getting the right things on and off of it, but the details are not clear.

That was my dream.

About Developing Friendliness & Assertiveness

11 February 2018

Lately, I’ve been dreaming a lot about police, being arrested, being questioned and then released, let go, without charges or incident.

This means there is a part of myself which is a lot like a friendly police officer.

When I am acting like a friendly police officer, I am demonstrating qualities of friendliness & assertiveness. When I’m friendly and assertive, things continue going in positive directions in life, as they do and would for anyone demonstrating these virtues.

People who have a hard time being friendly and assertive usually struggle because they are lying, being deceptive, or seeking out alternative motives like power, authority, money, prestige, etc.

Being genuinely friendly & assertive is just about being True to Yourself and having calm determination especially at crucially important times.


My Dream About Kissing My Boyfriend’s Brother

26 January 2018

I am hanging out with my boyfriend and his family. At one point, his brother and I are alone in a room together and my boyfriend says before leaving, “Go ahead and kiss. It’ll be fine.” His brother kisses me. At first it is hurried and tense but then our lips soften and it is very sensuous and sweet.

Kissing in dreams is about first contact with a quality or virtue. In this case, it is not meant to be taken literally and the “brother” in the dream was not the real brother in waking life. This dream is about a metaphor of connecting with a new part of myself which is a quality that my boyfriend already has . The purpose of Dreamwork is to uncover new qualities, virtues, and capacities and one of the metaphors for integration is physical intimacy.