When there is an abuse of power in a relationship it’s time to detach

16 September 2017

When there is an abuse of power in a relationship someone or both partners are seeking always to take over the life of the relationship.

Depending on the ego of the individuals involved the conflict patterns will vary.

But one thing that remains the same is that the negative behaviour is based on Fear.

Sometimes in a relationship, one or the other people take on the role of being the “fixer” so when issues show up then the “fixer” starts fixing. The problem with this scenario is that it keeps “the fixer” tied to the “breaker” in a negative way. And since it is the intention of the “breaker” to always keep breaking things, well then nothing can truly ever get fixed.

This can leave “the fixer” feeling depleted, embarrassed, emotionally drained and without a positive vision of where things can go next. It is common for empathetic people to be drawn to those who are perpetually negative because they always feel that they can help when in truth they can’t. This is such a big lesson to learn.

A relationship of this nature is not balanced or harmonious and it’s not good for either individual. It would be better for the empathetic and caring “fixer” to find ways to avoid the conflict, to avoid the negative behaviours and to surround themselves with more positive people who are not taking so much from the relationship.

How To Spot a Psychopath

May 12, 2018

The other day I posted about dealing with a psychopath but some people are just in the beginning stages of identifying that the person who has been a negative influence in their lives is actually a psychopath. To be clear, psychopathy is just a term used to try to understand a cluster of behaviour patterns which result in negative outcomes. Schizophrenics, Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths can best be understood as being located somewhere along a continuum of mental disorders ranging all the way from being confused & disorientated to being aggressive and intentionally violent to others. The main indicator for anyone who shows signs of being categorized in any of these groups would be the issue of delusions. Schizophrenics might not make sense sometimes but they are not necessarily ill-intentioned. People in the ladder three groupings also have delusions but they also show intentional desire to cause harm to others and the history or capacity of doing so. The ladder

There are good questions you can ask your Self to discover indicators that the negative behaviour you are dealing with is coming from a psychopath. Why is it good to know the difference? When you know the nature of the negative then you will know the positive opposite solution.

If the person just has “ego issues” it means with enough positive encouragement and support they will replace the negatives with positives and a trusting relationship can be established & built on. When someone is a psychopath, they will never change, never become more positive, and are incapable of being in any sort of healthy relationship. When you spot the psychopath, it’s time to switch gears and deal with them differently. Detach from the negatives and move forward to achieve your goals.

If you find your Self feeling perpetually disappointed in someone’s negative behaviour and no matter the degree and duration of your positive encouragement, they still do really bad actions, and you find yourself continually re-evaluating the nature of the relationship with this person, it sometimes helps to frame their particular issues within a mental health context.

Lets look more closely at the spectrum and notice key similaries & differences.

Someone with schizophrenic tendencies can be seen as someone whose inner world is full of chaos and they can’t make sense of their inner perceptions. They may not make sense when they speak sometimes, may lose track of time, may have issues with commitment, etc. But generally, they display little to no intention to harm themselves or others.

A narcissist is a lot like a schizophrenic who has just learned how to make sense of their inner world based on a fascination with embarrassing others. They have somehow created a sense of Self built on humiliating others. They are usually high-functioning in society, may be a leader in an organization or church group because they know how to show one face in public & another one behind closed doors. Usually a narcissist will have one target and they “feed off” of the negative energy created with conflict with their target. The other key to their bad behaviour is using an audience to make the target look bad. Usually, if the target were to tell others about the negative behaviour of the narcissist the target will not believed because narcissists are SO GOOD at covering up their private negative behaviours.

A sociopath has qualities of a schizophrenic & narcissist with an added spice to the dish of embarrassment pie. As the mental deterioration of these individuals moves along the spectrum so does their willingness to harm others. Whereas a narcissist will be “happy” just to embarrass their target, a sociopath will not stop until they have not only embarrassed but also “damaged” the target. So this could be by setting out to destroy the target’s livelihood, their health, their community projects, their passions, etc. The other thing about sociopaths is that unlike narcissists, who tend to really thrive off of a lot of company with others, sociopaths really enjoy their “alone time.” It seems they need a lot of time alone in order to process their latest attack on their target and how to move forward next. A sign of a sociopath would be someone who can work in a very extroverted type career but then come home and need to isolate themselves and be really internalized for long periods of time.

In my experience, this isolation is because sociopaths seem to still have a degree of empathy and consciousness about the harmfulness of their actions and the alone time is to process and reflect. A sociopath who receives a lot of positive encouragement could actually learn to direct their skills in a positive way, and they would succeed in professions such as detectives, paramedics, fire fighters, police officers, etc. A high functioning sociopath, in the right environment, could be a healthy contributing member of society.

Moving along the spectrum to psychopaths brings us into the realm of people who have been so traumatized by early experiences and who have learned how to hurt others without remorse. This brings us into the realm of serial-killers and mobster-like criminal-mindedness. These people have a strong vision of their powerful desire for something, whether it’s money, or position of authority, or both and they will harm anyone who gets in their way. The two main things which seem to differentiate psychopaths from others along the spectrum is the persistence with which they go for their vision AND the degree to which they can destroy people along the path to that vision. Psychopaths don’t need recovery time the way sociopaths do because they do not feel remorse, nor do they have a consciousness, or regret any action they take. To a regular individual with a consciousness, the idea of a person without any remorse, can cause a degree of fear to come in. And that is precisely what the psychopath wants. He (a high percentage are male) uses the fear of others as an opportunity to advance and move forward. The greater the fear the better.

While it appears all other groupings of seriously negative behaviours have a degree of hope and potential for change, the only solution that works with a psychopath is to stop engaging in any meaningful interaction, build positive relationships with the others in the location, such as a work or family environment, and stick with it until the psychopath decides to move on. If he is not getting his “fill” of negative energy from the environment he will move on in time, his nature compels him.

There is a way to be very positive even in an environment with a psychopath and I’ll write more about that soon. For now, try to weigh the negative behaviours of the person you are dealing with against these indicators and see if you can figure out where they are along this spectrum because that will give you a clue as to how much effort to put into trying to save the positive goals & relationships in life.

My Dream About the Whale Show

This dream is from back in 2011ish but the interpretation is still so meaningful even today!

My daughter and I were at an amusement park and were going down to see the whale show. The bleachers were set up beside the ocean. We go down there and there are 3 orca whales that are interacting with the people in the front row. They are playful and beautiful. So magestic. Grace comes down and is in a great mood then she just jumps right into the water. I’m not concerned at first. I know she can swim. But then instead of coming up to me she swims farther into where the whales are swimming and even past them. A lifeguard jumps out to get her. The whole audience is hushed as they wait. The lifeguard gets her and brings her back. She had swam very deep and very far away. Never coming up for air but not appearing to struggle. I hold her and hug her and say ‘Oh my girl. I love you so much. You scared me.” She doesn’t understand what the big deal was. I don’t know what to tell her.

(In the time when the lifeguard is swimming out to her and the audience is hushed I am feeling ashamed that she just jumped like that and I didn’t protect her. I feel that the audience is judging me and that it appears she doesn’t respect me.)

Thank you Richard.

Dear Rachel,

It is nice to hear from you.    In the first dream you can think of yourself as your daughter, while in the second dream you can think of your daughter being you and it being her.

In the first dream [which appears in the e-book but not here in this short blog post] you (as your daughter’s age) want to speak, but you as the mother want to her stop in a violent way.   So you can say that you are violent with yourself from speaking out more probably in a positive way about the big dreams you have and the things you want to do.    The second dream is clearer about it.   You have 3 big dreams(goals in your life) which are symbolized by the 3 Orcas and at first you can just dive into to achieve them, but then you get fearful of going too deep and too far and begin to panic so you send out the rescue to get yourself back to where you are right now.

The way you are raising your daughter and leading your life is allowing her and you to have big dreams and to go for them but you are fearful of going too deep and too far so then you do everything you can to stop them even being violent as in the first dream.    The fear began at the current age your daughter is (age 6ish) and that is why you are violent to shut it down because you are so fearful that something bad is going to happen to her because something bad happened to you at that age.

So you can say that you are doing a wonderful job raising your daughter and that is leading her and you to be able to have big dreams and aspirations,  but there is a fear that something bad is going to happen that keeps you from going after the bigger things and thus encouraging her to bigger things.
As soon as you address the fear you can be thinking much larger about your life.

Sweet dreams


Understanding Police Metaphors in Dreams

Okay, so let’s look at the metaphors of police dreams. Since 2014 I’ve been writing and publishing about police, detective, justice system metaphors on The Dreamwork Blog. Here is a post which highlights some key metaphors and creates a starting point to understand police metaphors & interpretations.

Police Officer – When a police officer shows up in a dream whatever was happening prior to their arrival changes. Police officers as a metaphor represent authority and the enforcement of the law. When the metaphor is positive, it is about the Higher Self taking authority over their lower nature (positive qualities such as Patience taking over more negative qualities such as anger). In this way the metaphor can be very positive. Many people who fear authority are actually fearing bad authority, those who have usurped power for themselves and exert their will over others regardless of who or how it hurts. A negative metaphor of an officer would be about fearing this type of negative authority.


Police Car – Cars in dreams are about the vehicles we use to get to where we want to go. Our True Self always wants to keep growing and changing and evolving, developing more skills and capacities all the way through life and maybe even into the next world. When we are driving our own car in a dream it is about having the drive, the inner initiative, to get to where the true self wants to go in an positive vision for the future. Driving a police car would be about having the drive & inner authority to get to where the self wants to go in life. A negative metaphor of a police car would be a symbol for the way others are so determined and so full of ego to get to where they want to go that they hurt others while doing it. People who love to be negative tend to think they are the authority over everyone around them. It’s like they make themselves into the police in their own mind and then they’ll push their way through to get anything they want. If the police car is sort of neutral in the dream it can just be a reminder of this principle without being positive or negative.


Police Helicopter – Air in a dream is about the future. There are four main elements and each have their own energy. Fire, Earth, Water and Air. Fire is about inspiration. Earth is about being grounded and strong. Water is about being flexible in relationships and life. Air is about envisioning and futurizing the reality the self wants. Futurizing is a word I just made up because it seems to fit here. Air in a dream is about potentialities for the future. So a vehicle which uses air to travel is about realizing the way to get to where you want to go is by first envisioning the positive future for yourself. Then you can go there. A police helicopter means to get to your positive future, to bring out your positive qualities, to get to the next stage of growth and wellness and healing, you will have to deal with the metaphoric police. You will have to deal with your own inner authority. Some might call it intuition or voice of reason or consciousness. Police are symbols of inner authority when they show up in dreams and so a police helicopter is about flying to your positive self by realizing the importance of listening to your own inner guidance.


Handcuffs – Hands in dreams are an important symbol. One of the reasons they are important is because they are a part of the human body. To dream about the body is to dream about the self, the identity, the life of the dreamer. One way I tend to think about this is to think of a dream about the body as a symbol of the soul of the dreamer. The human frame is the vehicle through which the soul interacts with the physical realms. When there is a dream of the body I usually tend to think it means something significant will be happening in the life and experience of the dreamer. Something will happen that they can experience with their 5 senses. Something will happen in the physical world which will mirror the message of the metaphor. That is just one of many ways to look at this metaphor. So hands specifically are about the things we hold on to in life, and also about the skills we have and the tasks we complete day to day. The metaphor of being handcuffed is about the skills, talents, tasks being frozen, stopped. It’s about not being able to hold valuables. So handcuffs in dreams are a very important symbol for the self being stunted, skills being stopped. How to flip this to positive then? Here’s how. When handcuffs show up in a dream or in real life it is a sign that it is the time to develop Patience. With patience discomfort can be endured. With Patience, irritation can be squelched. With Patience, frustration can be eased. So even though handcuffs are temporarily negative feeling, in reality they are a perfect tool to help develop a heck of a lot of Patience.

Police Gun – What is a gun? In real life a gun is a tool people use to shoot others down. It is a tool used to stop people in their tracks. As a metaphor in a dream, it is a symbol for the way people can shoot others down with their negativity, harsh words, name-calling, criticizing, etc. When a police officer is yielding a gun in a dream it is a metaphor for the way officers can use their power to stop others with their criticisms. This is a complex metaphor because when an officer uses a gun it can be positive or it can be negative but that is the case with every metaphor. There are positives and negatives. The positive use of power with a gun or with criticisms is to stop people who are harming or hurting others and officers have the authority to do that. The negative use of power with a gun metaphorically is to use criticisms to control others and to elicit unnecessary or unwarranted fear. When a police shoots a person in a dream and the dream is positive it is a metaphor for the way our positive inner authority can overpower any negatives. But when an officer shoots a person in a dream and it is unjustified or unlawful then it is a metaphor for how negative authority in the world uses their power to control others so they can stay on top.  




The program involves:
● Prisoners Sharing Dreams
● Dream Interpretations For Transformation
● Step-by-step Tips from 19-Day Transformation Pgrm
● Encouragement & Accompaniment
● Coaching & Relational Support Through Court, Incarceration & Probation


The program helps inmates with:

Achieving New Perspectives on Growth & Change
Accepting Negative Truths & Flipping to Positive Opposites
Building Uplifting Relationships & Creating Encouraging Environments

Developing New Skills & Capacities