August 27, 2021
Tonight I awoke with a jump & a twitch. A dream with a lot of fear in it woke me up.
Ever since the car accident in January 2020, when my Ford Focus slid on ice going down a hill and drove into a pole I’ve had nightmares regularly. Unlike the negative dreams I used to have prior to the accident, these ones shock my body into an alert state quickly and I awake with my heart racing, sometimes in a sweat.
Negative dreams, even ones that startle us terribly, are valuable to me because I believe all emotions have value. We call a dream “negative” because there is an uncomfortable emotion in it, like fear or anger, or embarrassment, etc. I use an approach to transformation which brings me into the so-called negative state to understand it and then use it sort of like a code to discern a solution to a challenging life situation.
The emotion in last night’s dream started off as playful and adventurous because I was exploring a forest with my German Shepherd. But then I dropped a stick in a murky puddle and when I reached down to retrieve it I slipped and fell in and the puddle was actually very deep and I fell into a bottomless abyss and then right before I drowned I awoke with a twitch & a jump.
Water in dreams is about life, emotions & relationships. Dogs are about friendship & loyalty. Falling into murky water that appears to be shallow but is really deathly deep means it is possible someone near me is appearing to be friendly and loyal but who is actually being deceptive.
At this moment in my life, I have been brought to court by a family member. When I stop to consider who could be around me who appears to be a friend but is really a foe, I realize that it is difficult to know who can be trusted when you are the defendant in a court hearing where your character is being assassinated. Sometimes people hear that someone is a defendant in a hearing and they believe the person is guilty until being proven innocent instead of the other way around.
This dream is about what it is like for me to try to be playful & connect with loved ones and friends in this environment of conflict which others are perpetrating on me. I am not writing about this as gossip. It is my human right to share my opinion and feelings and experiences privately or publicly. I do attempt to use wisdom and tact when writing about the situation. I learn from mistakes and attempt to correct them.
So now that the dream has opened my eyes and made me conscious of something which I was formerly unconscious of, what will I do?
The solution is in the dream: instead of allowing myself to “fall” by the deception in front of me I can become really UPLIFTED! I already have a playful, adventurous, friendly and loyal character so when I remember who I truly am and what I have accomplished in my life than I can use all the tools and techniques at my disposal to use the current challenge as an opportunity for growth and transformation for families & communities.
How can I be playful and adventurous while under persecution? Wouldn’t that make me seem careless and insensitive to the serious nature of the accusations?
I don’t entirely know the answer to this yet but I’m working on it. I think it has to do with finding Joy in the moment and Peace in my heart and allowing myself the freedom to live my life, to enjoy hiking, and writing, and the things which I do in life which are enjoyable and carefree. I can detach from the deception, even though I’m aware of it, and I can then dive deep into life’s adventures. That is one way which I have survived this decade-long conflict.
So even though I awoke feelings of fear and worry now I have a clear idea on how to get and stay uplifted. This gives me a vision of hope for a bright future for my life and relationships with the people I love and care about.