Category Archives: TraumaWork

Dream: My Mom Dumps Stuff On Me … Again

13 September 2017

IMG_1326In the dream, I exit my front door and find there is a camper-trailer in the front driveway as well as a truck full of things. The front yard is cluttered full of objects. It looks like someone bought 100 broken things at garage sales and then dumped them all on my front lawn. It doesn’t take me long to recognize that my mom has come in the middle of the night, emptied a yard-full of junk because she didn’t know where else to put it and then left. When I ask her about it, she denies it.

But then I see her ex-husband there moving things out and I know the Truth!

This kind of clutter is NOT ALLOWED on my property and I know when my landlord sees it he will be upset and want me to move it immediately. How can I get my Mom to move it immediately when she won’t admit it is hers?

I consider going to my landlord proactively and telling him what has happened but I know that he will find it very odd and he will consider lots of things including that I have made up some sort of lie to cover up something or someone because it just doesn’t make sense to have a bunch of things on your lawn and not know whose they belong to.

If I don’t tell him and just start helping my ex-step-dad then I look like I’m taking responsibility for it even though it isn’t mine and I have no idea why it is there.

If I don’t tell him and also don’t start help moving it out and cleaning it up then it appears to be mine and by that non-action I invite him over to be the one to bring to my attention the issues.

So in the dream, I’m standing there, looking at this enormous pile of junk 7 feet high on my lawn and I am wondering what on earth can I do now?

As I watch, my ex-step-father just keeps moving things onto the truck and preparing to take them away.

My analysis: Clutter & mess is about the ego in a dream. Sometimes someone becomes so full of ego, so full of their false selves, that they create a lot of “mess” in the lives of others around them. Since I didn’t move in the dream but just watched it means the thing I’m learning to get good at is saying NO to the ego-mess caused by people who are full of their negative selves and keep dumping stuff on me trying to make me look bad. I know the Truth though and others who look close enough can know the Truth too. It’s a good lesson for us all to learn and in time it will get easier and easier!

Dream: Mom Plotting Against Me – Again…

05 September 2017

In 2009, I started analyzing my dreams with the intention to transform the negatives I was encountering into positives. The focus of this work involves being able to really take a look at the metaphors in a dream, to sit with them for some time, even days, to understand the meaning and then to consider where can the meaning & message be applied to real life. 

In 2011, I started to really see how I used to let others drive my life in the direction which suited them best without giving thought to who I really was and what I really wanted. People in a position of power or authority in an organization, or a family or a faith group will often go to great lengths to do what they see as protecting their position.

In 2014, I started writing about what I was seeing and have continued this daily practice until today. When someone shows up in a dream and is doing something negative it is helpful to think of them as a metaphor and to just think of turning the volume of their voice WAY down. This is a helpful technique for real people in a personal relationship or for negative political figures or colleagues. They get a big thrill from bringing people into the “fight” and for them it can give them a rush like a drug they get addicted to. 

Now in 2017, I’ve learned how to detach from the lies and how to step outside the real or imagined conflict and how to just direct my good intentions and work in more productive ways. When one person keeps showing up in my dreams night after night it shows me there is some work to do around this issue. Since I am also having a lot of positive dreams of playfulness and joy with others it tells me that all is well and in time the source of the negative will reveal itself. In time, with attention and diligence, the negatives can be flipped to positives with the development of increased capacity and virtues.

 

Here is another dream of my Mom talking bad about me to others and rallying people to rise up against me stating false claims as though they were true.

This time we were at a restaurant. She invited me there as though she wanted to be nice and make amends but when others were not watching or listening she whispered cruel things in my ears and she ridiculed and harassed me. When I pushed back to create space then she taunted me and turned to others saying, “See how she pushes me away.”

The craziness of her behaviour is enough to drive anyone mad but I didn’t get mad in the dream I just left the restaurant. There were two young Asian girls outside who were very excited about the thousands of lanterns and decorations hanging from trees, creating a canopy. Their excitement brought me joy.

In another dream, there was a close and physical intimate interaction with some I care about and we ended up laughing. In dreams, physical intimacy is about merging with the qualities of another person. It is a metaphor for emotional intimacy and closeness. It’s good to have a positive dream like this because it reminds me that I can be positive no matter what others say about me or against me.

 

Changing With Dreamwork

29 August 2017

In the dream, I go with my daughter and sister to my Mom’s house. It’s cluttered, messy & dirty. My daughter is really young. At one time she’s about 3 years old and then another time she’s an infant. In the dream, I wanted to learn from my mom about how to be a caring mother but instead she was following me around the apartment and criticizing me.

I took good care of my daughter based on instinct, despite the environment being cluttered and messy. I wrapped her up in warm clothes and talked to her sweetly. Told her I loved her.

Then when I looked up my mom had 3 guns. She kept one for herself and gave one to my dad and one to my sister. She started aiming and firing at me, and my daughter.

I couldn’t get all three guns out of their hands so I called 911 and they said they’d send someone over but while I was talking on the phone then she changed her approach. She stopped firing but she started speaking in really negative words. I told her that her negative words are just like bullets, emotional bullets. She didn’t stop.

Then I grabbed her face and lips and tried to shut them.

She acted like an android and did not have a natural human response to that kind of stimuli. She didn’t flinch. She didn’t move a muscle and tried to just keep talking in her poisonous words.

I became filled with rage and felt like I wanted to kill her. To stop her and to end her violence. But I am not a killer. So I just pushed her away. She returned to the kitchen as though looking for something, like a cup to pour coffee in.

I was still on the phone with the officer and asked directions on how to get out of here.

Next I was on a Go Train and my sister was with me. She was tried from all the fighting and she rested her head on my lap. We got to our stop and got off but I didn’t really recognize where we were. I was carrying my daughter as an infant with us and got on a bike but then had to get off when the hill became too steep.

I walked the bike to the bottom and someone told me I’d have to pay Google for use of the bike because of some new trademark thing. I thought it was ridiculous.

Also I saw someone who wanted to commit suicide and I encouraged him not to.

Lastly, I bought something for $87 and it came out of my account which only had $94. I wondered when things will change.

Kidnapped by the CIA: The Key To The Key of Having Courage & Confidence

10 May 2017

In a recent dream, I faced one of my biggest fears – being kidnapped & drugged by the CIA.

Interestingly, in real life I was kidnapped and drugged by the RCMP in 2012 so the first thing I have to realize is that this dream is also about bringing up the old emotions around trauma I experienced in real life.

20150607_121727

At the time, I was thinking, “They’ve made a mistake. They’ve got the wrong person. This can’t be happening to me.” But no, they targeted me and it had long-lasting effects which still complicate things for me to this day.

Once you see what it’s like to be kidnapped, drugged and locked up without your consent then a part of you really doesn’t want to go back to that.

But yet, a part of me is so passionate about the work that I do that I will keep doing it, even if I get kidnapped, drugged and locked up again.

So what is it that allows me to keep Couragously going forward, despite such horrific persecution?

The key is about staying cool and collected even when others are heating things up with their anger.

How do I stay cool and collected even when others are angry?

It helps to remember that their anger is not them. Their anger and the bad behaviour associated with it is their ego. Their ego is active because they are afraid of getting hurt. It’s really as simple as that.

You can disarm any oppressor by seeing their humanity through their outrage.

When I was a child, and an adult I trusted would become very angry and yell loudly at me, so loud I felt nearly deaf by the piercing range of it, I found if I looked at him with my heart open then I could see a part of him which he didn’t know I could see.

When I gazed at him with my inner eye, or my heart, then I could see his heart. I could see it as though it was on the other side of a veil, like he didn’t want to be acting this way, that he was trying to stop yelling but couldn’t, that he was scared, that he was sorry, and that he never wanted to hurt me.

I could see that at the same time that he was yelling at me he was also begging me with his eyes and within his soul to forgive him. I could see into the Truth of things. And so it was that I never hated him, even though I hated a lot of the things he did.

In truth, through his anger he taught me not to be angry. Through his cruelty I learned Compassion. Through his violence I learned Peace.

So it is the same today. If someone from the CIA were to attack me, I’m quite sure I could look into their eyes and soul and see their humanity. I could love, forgive and be at peace with them.

I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t have to experience that kind of thing again…but if I do…I know I will be okay.

The Key to the Key of Courage and Confidence is Detachment and Empowerment!

 

Steps to Actualizing a Positive Visualization

  1. Notice what you want to do but can’t. Identify the biggest obstacle or challenge.
  2. Feel it in the body. What does it feel like and where? Is it like smoke in the lungs? Or hitting a brick wall? Or having fire on the skin? Whatever is the feeling notice it. The solution is the opposite of the negative feeling.
  3. In my case today the feeling is like drywall in a house so I visualized walking through it. The biggest challenge in real life is having limited funds in my account and also having no predictable source of income. It makes me feel like I am up against a wall.
  4. So I summon up determination to get through this wall and I visualize myself walking through it. Then I ask myself what is the future end result which I want as my intention for going through this wall? I realized that I needed to look ahead 30 years, to when I’m 69 in order to really understand what it is I want.
  5. I got visions of all these problems solved, of having more than enough money for myself and to share and most of all to be working with orphaned/disadvantaged children in an agricultural setting and writing about it all. It was such a happy vision of a positive future for me, Gracie, my grand-children and even a spouse for both of us! 🙂
  6. Then I did a bit of writing/journaling about the positive vision and then I started looking around in my real life today to think about what is my biggest obstacle today which I could remove which would get me closer to actualizing this vision.
  7. That is when the big wave of “I don’t want to be here” came over me and I just wanted to sleep. Instead of sleeping I wrote this.
  8. At the moment, I clearly see about 44 things which I could do in order to begin removing this obstacle. I do not clearly see which of these 44 things is a priority. That makes me just want to sleep.
  9. When I get better at liking the process of working through the issues and removing the obstacles I think I will no longer have that feeling of not wanting to be here dealing with these injustices day after day. That will be so nice.